Overcoming Identity Crisis

It all started since the pandemic happened...

When Covid-19 hit the world, we had to stay at home. We couldn't travel and we had to start facing the realities at home. I felt like I was on Titanic and had to suddenly change the course of my journey, hoping that I would not hit the iceberg.

Nearly 2 years have passed. It started off with me pulling out my "ammunitions" of my knowledge in tech and media. Then I realised that what I knew was not enough. So I took the opportunity to learn.

I went on several online programs which were subsidised by the government and found myself enjoying learning new things and getting to know new people. But I didn't know what to do with my new skills and knowledge. All these learning spilled over into this year, 2021.

Online learning programs are an "overkill" after a while...

All the "take this time to learn as many things as possible" hype died down slowly when I got roped into the insurance and investment industry. So I started my journey to acquire my insurance licence in March 2021.

And finally I got my licence in June 14, 2021! Then I realise that the mandatory exams that I had to take didn't quite prepare me for what is to come. I had to go through A LOT of product training, and it was overwhelming. I thought perhaps doing a Masters program or a PhD would have been easier. Nevertheless, I started it, I would have to bite the bullet to go through it. 

Then the identity crisis hit...

Honestly, I wasn't sure if it was a mid-life crisis or an identity crisis. I think I am too young to have a mid-life crisis. Nevertheless, it was a crisis in my mind. 

All of a sudden, I felt so overwhelmed and I felt like I really didn't know what I am doing or what I really wanted to do. I registered and took up all the various courses because I enjoyed learning, and I wanted to learn new things. 

I took up programs like "Diploma in Tourism (Events Management)", "Career Advisory & Career Facilitation Program" as well as some social media and e-commerce programs. I thought that all these programs will help me to propel my business, but I ended up with too many skillsets and knowledge that I didn't know what to do with them. 

Not only did I not know what I should do with my knowledge and skillsets, I didn't know what to do with my business! Especially when I started my journey in the insurance industry, all the more I thought I didn't know what I was doing. 

Not sure if you have ever felt the same...

As we all know, there is a KPI that we need to hit for the month or the year as a financial planner. So when my production month started, all I did was to hit straight at the KPI. By God's grace, I did exceptionally well and have completed my minimum case numbers for the year. 

Then I slowed down and realised that I still have my other business to work on. That is not all. As I started to meet people, I also realised that I had difficulty introducing myself and what I do.

Ermm.. I am an entrepreneur? I run a family business with my husband? I am the co-founder of The Gem Museum? I am a financial planner? I am an educator? I am a career coach? 

I would love to tell people about everything that I'm passionate about. But that would take me 1 day to do so. Not sure who's going to be interested after 1 minute. 

While this is happening, I was also feeling a little overwhelmed with all the things that I need to learn with regards to insurance and investment. This subject is something that I have always been running away from. Probably gonna blog it down in another post.

So how did I overcome identity crisis?

SLOW DOWN - we live in an extremely fast pace world and this phrase is like a taboo. "No, I can't slow down cos I have lots to do and everybody around me needs my attention!"

REST - is a very difficult thing to do especially in our modern society. Yet it is crucial for the long haul. 3 wonderful things happen when we rest: 

1. Our bodies have a chance to recuperate.

2. Our minds can be clear.

3. Our emotions can be settled down.

Once I became aware of my situation of identity crisis, I slowed down my pace of life. Then I made an effort to rest. One of the ways is to just sit down quietly and make some lists.

Practical steps...

I made these few lists:

• List down things that I can do.
• List down things that I love to do.
• List down things that I would enjoy doing.
• List down things that I am already doing.
• List down things that I am trying to do.
• List down things that I cannot do but I'm trying to do.
• List down things that I don't like to do and I'm trying to do.

Looks like many lists here. But I took my time. I SLOWED DOWN. I take it easy. In fact, we don't have to complete the all the lists. I find that halfway through, I began to have clarity. 

Streamline. Simplify.

While thinking through all the things listed above, I picked out things that came to my mind first, and things that touched my heart the most. In this way, I simplified things for myself. 

So this is what I came out with for myself:

- I like to help unleash their potential. 

- I have skillsets and qualifications in the areas of training and assessment, behaviour & career consultation, insurance & finance, pharmacy, gemology.

- I have experience in running a family business and building a gem museum in Singapore. 

With these, I dug deeper within myself and imagined how it would look like if I were to help people unleash their potential with what I have. 

Life Coaching

I took my time to do some research and reading up. I talk to my friends and share my thoughts with them. Finally, after so many years, I saw myself doing the work of a life coach. 

Although I am not a certified life coach yet (and I'm really wondering if I should go through another round of certification), I realise that I don't have to be too concerned about that. 

Part of overcoming identity crisis is to overcome our fears and our inadequacies.

For many years, I couldn't see myself as a pharmacist, a gemologist, an entrepreneur or a curator. That is really because I felt inadequate. And the fear of what people will say or think about me cripples me. 

I must say, this is a continuous process. The clarity doesn't come over night. There are a lot voices and noise and it does cloud my mind. It has been a journey and I thank God that I walked through that journey. I thank God for sending people into my life to walk with me, whether they know what I am going through or not. 

There is a purpose in our lives...

If you are going through what I described in this blog, I want to encourage you to do these simple things:

1. Slow down and rest. 
2. Find someone you can trust to share your struggles.
3. Write down your thoughts, no matter how random or how insignificant it may look. It may be positive, or negative.

In conclusion

There is hope. You don't have to walk this journey alone. Whether you are doing through a crisis in your faith, family, career, health or finances, there is always light at the end of the tunnel. 

Feel free to reach out to me. We can go through the 5 aspects of life one by one and find that clarity for you and even your family. 

Ms. Loke Huiying Sarah graduated with a BSc. (Pharm) and Dip. in Gemmology (UK). She had been teaching gemmology since 2010 and had co-founded The Gem Museum, Singapore. The Gem Museum is the first and most comprehensive gems and minerals museum in Singapore open to the public. 

She is also a Certified Behavioural & Career Consultant trained in DISC profiling and WSG Career Advisory and Career Facilitation programs. Her passion is to bring life to businesses and into individuals through her experiences, knowledge and insights. 

The 4C quality factors to a fulfilling life is inspired by the quality grading of a diamond that gives a diamond its value. Sarah extrapolated from her understanding and appreciation of the value of a diamond's quality into a person's quality of life and developed the 4Cs - Clarity, Connection, Credibility, Commitment. 

To contact Sarah for a chit-chat session, email her at sarah@coachlokey.com or WhatsApp +65 97324091.